The Devils Beatitudes

If the devil were to write his beatitudes, they would probably go something like this:

Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend an hour once a week with their fellow Christians -- they are my best workers.

Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked -- I can use them.

Blessed are those who seek worldly pleasures instead of seeking the will of God -- they are my missionaries.

Blessed are the trouble makers -- they shall be called my children.

Blessed are those who murmur and complain and have no joy they really make my work easy.

Blessed are those who are focused on the minister's mannerisms and mistakes -- for they get nothing out of his sermons.

Blessed is the church member who expects to be invited to his own church -- for he is a part of the problem instead of the solution.

Blessed are those who gossip -- for they shall cause strife and divisions that please me.

Blessed are those who are easily offended -- for they will soon get angry and quit.

Blessed are those who do not give their tithes or offering to carry on God's work but will spend it selfishly on themselves -- for they are MY helpers.

Blessed is he who professes to love God but hates his brother and sister -- for he shall be with me forever.